Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down...

Or do we?

I've heard the adage that you have to hit rock bottom to really make changes...but is it possible that this is just a consistent cycle of highs and lows? A roller-coaster of madness met by serenity and just when things get good, throw a wrench into the mix and see what we can "unhinge"...but just a little bit.

This is the thing, everything is moving so fast. Time doesn't stop for anyone. It doesn't stop because you get sick or because you had a bad day. But the key is to not race against the clock...you won't win...no one will. The clock doesn't need sleep and it will absolutely outlive you. Instead, allign yourself with it, use it as an allie.

Don't wait, it is so important, and guess what, often times,the first inclination you get is the correct one. It is so uncommon that your intuition will fail you. Not to say that you shouldn't think things through, because you absolutely should, but if something in your gut is telling you no, listen to it because it's usually not wrong. Sometimes we need out heads to catch up with our emotions, it's like a checks and balances system to get the two of them to agree. But, when it does, it's bliss. No matter how short or long lived :)

I'm Rubber, You're Glue ... Plus, I can afford a little

Toxic People...

There are people in this world who will always see the negative in things, believe that "big brother" is watching us and live their lives without trying to excel at what they're doing. I used to think I could fix these people, but the truth is that only they can fix themselves and they will poison your outlook if you let them.

So, what do you do when you are forced to be around that paranoid co-worker or severely negative friend? Constantly remind yourself that they are wrong...don't connect with them, avoid the temptation to get sucked into the black hole of misery they are currently swimming through. People who tend to do that have a very hard time accepting their own truth, be it that they're not trying or that they are not motivated, whatever the case may be...it is just unhealthy...and will penetrate you if you allow it.

My solution...use a layer of human Teflon...

We all have to encounter these people in our daily lives at times and although avoidance is the first line of defense, the second is just remembering who they are and that it is better to be on your own than to connect with someone bad for you.

It is better to feel what is going on inside of you and to handle those feelings as they come...don't let them accumulate. Always operate with the knowledge that you have certain choices and can actually change your situation. There is always a choice, even if it's not the optimal, amazing one you conjured in your head. Just the knowledge that you have a choice provides solace.

Men are Like Babies

Men are like babies. They are always looking for the next best toy (AKA woman). Most men have the attention span the size of pea. A man will blurt out comments that are offensive and you will have to be the one to tell him to "be quiet". Like we want to hear that the girl on the street is fuckable--hello! You will inevitably need to tell your man at some point or another to take a shower because he stinks, pick out his clothes for him, and ask him more than once to pick his shit up off the floor--ok...now this is 5 year old territory.

Now, when you first meet your Don Juan, things aren't necessarily going be like this, but just wait till he gets you in the sack and gets comfortable...then it's all downhill. As a woman, you'd think, "well, this is a new step in our relationship and it will bring us closer"--if nothing else, we should be treated better than before, because now we're more intimate. Men think, OK, Game Over! I conquered all those boards...Is there a new game coming out soon? I'll keep my eye out. Even if your man is still content in limelight of the game he has already won then he's probably doing the bare minimum to maintain his constant goal of getting laid. Men at this stage usually become complacent at the risk of confrontation, they would rather just say OK, whatever you want. This preconventional thinking of going with whatever your partner wants by Freud's psychosocial stages of development as that of a child who is 1-5 years old. Furthermore, how are you supposed to get to know your partner's likes, dislikes, and how to make them mesh with your own if they are constantly being passive about it. Then, inevitable that passiveness turns to aggression and there is always a blowout
about why this and why that...ummmm, hello you said you were fine with it at the time. Now, 2 days later you will bring it up like I shot your dog Spot and watched him convulse until he died. Women aren't clairvoyant either and we certainly do not want to be your mothers predicting every move for you. Eventually, we will want to do that omeday for a "real child"--u had your shot...lol. That is if we can find a real man to have one with. But what is a "real" man and do they truly exist?

There are definitely men who will take responsibility for their children when needed, ect. but what about the not so conventional things that relationships need? I think that's the true measure of a man--one who does a lot more than the bare minimum and for no-one else's approval but his own. The man who takes the time to really know his woman and connect on greater levels. Are some guys just truly not into that?

I think for some guys, they are just not ready yet at my age, which is 23. But what concerns me is that some guys will never be ready--it looks like at least more than 1/2 won't be...and I'm just going by divorce statistics. Now, couple those statistics with those people who are religious and don't believe in divorces--let's say that accounts for 15 f married couples who may or may not be happy. That tips the scale just enough to be concerned that now more than 1/2 of married couples either end in divorce or stay together for religious reasons, but are not necessarily happy. That's food for thought. Is God playing a cruel trick on us by putting what we want so close to us and then saying, ummm sorry...there are some gender differences that will not let you have the bond you've always dreamed of.

A lot of pro's blame gender differences as the reason for this enormous conflict of interests between men and women--should we all stay within the same sex, then would we have happier lives? Lol...probably not...mostly because then we'd become extinct as a population plus the church frowns upon it and there are too many churchgoers in America (case in point--Bush got re-elected). Darwin must be laughing so hard--we are definitely not always attracted to what is good for us. Then again if we would go out
with that guy who would treat us like a queen eventually I'm sure he'd change too, because then he'd get more self-esteem, ect. and develop player/normal man ways...lol.

I know I'm being cynical, but can you blame me?

Love OR

It seems like the unbeggable question -- is it just lust or is it love...the real thing.... And, why can't it be both?

Do we, as people, even have the ability to determine that before it's too late...meaning before someone falls down into a hole so deep that they can't see to the top when they need to?

And, furthermore, if it's love, does that mean that it's good for us? Maybe? Maybe not?

Even when you know that something isn't right for you, you can still want a part of it.

I think we can look at difficult things in two ways: as punishments or obstacles to overcome. This experience has tested my beliefs and I found things in myself that I am so very proud of and some that I'm not. But, I have the knowledge and the desire to change the bad things I find. I am proud of myself. I think I am beautiful and not in a cocky way, but in a truly authentic and worthy way.

I am worth the right person's pursuit...I am worth being treated with a gentle hand and for someone to try to give me it all. Because, at the end of the day, that's all we all really want to do...give it all to someone or those select few that truly deserve it.

Anyone who is too scared to pursue it or who just doesn't isn't worth it to me...

So, yes at the end of the day, I know that love requires patience, it require work...it requires letting go of your fears. And, moreover, it requires going "all in".

Priorities

It is time to get back to basics...

I have a skeleton, a blueprint...of what I want. I can see it in the distance, but some fog is masking it. I need to develop it a little more. That will take work...getting to know the deepest parts of me. That is exciting and scary...all at once.

What is my trepidation about driving into the fog? Am I afraid that the blueprint will look different than what I thought it would? Maybe the goal is further away from me than I care to find out... But, if I do not head into the fog, head first, eyes wide open, I will never know.

So, drive I will. Full-speed ahead...I am going to push through it...and find it. I will shut my eyes when it gets too scary...then open them back up and keep on going. I will not let it paralyze me. It is exciting...because, whatever the answer, as long as I am moving forward in some direction, then...

Wish me luck.

Dreams

So much to look forward to...You can be whatever you want to be...You can do whatever you want...isn't that what most of us are told when we were young? That is the resounding theme..."The American Dream" per se. A house, 2.45 kids and if we are lucky, an Orlando Funpack Vacation! Yay!

But, does anyone ever think that all of these choices might hinder us? I mean, sure, it's great for people who can easily make those decisions as to what they were meant to do or what they were meant to be...but what about that majority of us that weren't born with A. our parents shoving a dream down our throat so far that we adopt it as our own or B. just knowing what they were meant to be?

So, instead, we just sit here, bouncing from thing to thing, trying to figure out our path in life...slowly but surely. And I guess the actual secret is to map it out in a way where we do not feel like we are losing out while we are trying these other things because when you don't know what you want to do, you are constantly looking at what he or she is doing and then trying trying it on for size...does this fit? Does that fit? But, unfortunately, our culture and our workforce is not built in a way as to accommodate those looking to try something new and different...It is this increasing division of labor to try to increase efficiency that stunts our natural desire or DIVERSITY...or maybe, we don't like the of the work we really do...

Now, as I think a little more about this... we are lucky to have these experiences...there is no right or wrong way to do things. I mean, we are expected to want and do things by a certain deadline...and while deadlines can be useful...everyone has their own timeline. Each person falls in a different place on the spectrum of development, personally and professionally...

So, I guess the key, if there is one, is to just dance to your own rhythm (even if you look silly to others who think they have it all figured out but will realize they don't when they have their mid-life crisis), enjoy the ride and be concerned about the future, but don't let it ruin your present.

Metrosexual or Metrospicable

So, these metrosexual guys were supposed to be the "new and improved" version of men. It was almost as good as chivalry coming back in style. Or so we thought...

Now, I am really questioning whether these new cleanly shaven and hair putty (or whatever the new product this week is) maven man is really so great. Sure, it's nice to see guys taking stock in their appearance past the newest basketball jersey that they think is just so smitten. But, since the "metro revolution" started, things have gotten out of hand.

It was a very slow transition, but steadily picked up speed. Men started reading magazines like GQ and noticing that their women were more interested in the CK billboard than looking at them. Add to that, the way women flock to gay men, which are notoriously good dressers and disturbingly hotter than most hetero-men. Men started to take stock of their wardrobes and succumbing to the pressure of looking good; not just good by their standards but by everyone else's: Hollywood, the magazines, and even the girl next door.

This is not an uncommon phenomenon, as with most trends. However, like most trends that stick around for too long...this one has become very unsightly on some of those who sport extreme versions of it.

I am sure you are wondering what could be so extreme about a cleanly-shaven, well-dressed man in a pair of jeans so tight I would like them on me if I gained 10 lbs.

If it stopped there, then it would be just fine but it doesn't. Some men have begun internalizing their new image as their persona. These men are becoming more shallow than a kiddie-pool at bad motel. It is as though they think a great set of veneers, some highlights and hair putty will be the secret to making women forget how they should be treated...and the sad part is that some women truly do. Some people don't see past the great appearance to the man isn't treating you right and that you are allowing it. It is the same way men are mezmorized by the 5'10'' blond model that happens to come up to him and buy him a drink. He is thinking, "how did I get so lucky?"

It is as if these men found a way to lie to your face and then smile and you forget about it or just don't care. When did men get the power? Not that I think anyone should truly have it, but this is further from chivalry than we have ever been. This is another way that a man can manipulate a woman and get away with it. Not that anyone should manipulate anyone.

Are men turning into women? Isn't it enough that we having the babies and working. Do you want to take our clothing budget away from us too? I mean what's next? Should I get you a little lacy thing for Valentines day. Am I going to have to search the den to find all of my good-smelling candles because you enjoy the ambiance?

I like the masculine side of men: Rugged, individual, and powerful. I don't want the adjectives I use to describe you most to be: rigid, stubborn, and bitchy. Not that those are feminine qualities...well, at least not good ones. But, if those are becoming male ones than I would like to get all the emotional benefits of the other side of that coin: nurturing, sweet and sensitive. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Cosmopolitan men can be great, but those who take it too far are not metrosexual. They are confused maniacs who are using their male prowess for evil. And unfortunately for some, they are getting away with it.