Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

So, you know when you meet someone and you get the most unique feeling; the feeling that is so hard to articulate. I will try though.

It's a feeling of hope, prospects...like the impossible seems a little more possible...like you are that much less alone and that much more alive. An enhanced sense of spirit along with a renewed zest for life.

Then, all the sudden, it's ripped away. Just like that, it falls to the floor, like a thinly blown glass vase falling 10 feet and shattering within mere seconds. What are you left with? I suppose two things. One is a sense of loss; the second is something so valuable... The sense that something can make you feel so invigorated and the knowledge of what about that experience did it, which leads to a deeper understanding of oneself, desires...and ultimate happiness quotient. It is so tempting to take that one beautiful thing that stands out to us and try to make it everything we ever wanted when it might not be.

I think the lesson is seeing what it is we personified it to be and why we did it. Once I figure that out, I can better know what I really want. It's a process that can be hard for those of us who have such little patience in that area. But, I am starting to not just know but rather feel that this journey is one that needs to be taken with one foot in front of the other and slowly, with care. We will live through it...some lessons will be painful, but it takes living through them to get to the fullness that is waiting at the other side for us, hopefully. Skipping steps will only inhibit us.

So, as for my pattern, I'm recognizing it and trying to do something about it. Baby steps, but I am really just trying to go day by day and I have learned to not read too much into it, follow my gut and not just my body, though I need to listen to that too. And most of all...follow my heart, allow it to be free...allow it to break and allow it to heal. Open up...give of myself and hope that the someone I choose will do that for me the way I can do it for them...but to not let the fear that they won't stop me from doing so, because I cannot control their actions, only mine...and I know that I am doing it for the right reasons. It is certain experiences that make us appreciate the stable things in life and so cherish all the stops we make along the way to making us who we are, who we will become and who will become our family in the future.