Priorities

It is time to get back to basics...

I have a skeleton, a blueprint...of what I want. I can see it in the distance, but some fog is masking it. I need to develop it a little more. That will take work...getting to know the deepest parts of me. That is exciting and scary...all at once.

What is my trepidation about driving into the fog? Am I afraid that the blueprint will look different than what I thought it would? Maybe the goal is further away from me than I care to find out... But, if I do not head into the fog, head first, eyes wide open, I will never know.

So, drive I will. Full-speed ahead...I am going to push through it...and find it. I will shut my eyes when it gets too scary...then open them back up and keep on going. I will not let it paralyze me. It is exciting...because, whatever the answer, as long as I am moving forward in some direction, then...

Wish me luck.

Dreams

So much to look forward to...You can be whatever you want to be...You can do whatever you want...isn't that what most of us are told when we were young? That is the resounding theme..."The American Dream" per se. A house, 2.45 kids and if we are lucky, an Orlando Funpack Vacation! Yay!

But, does anyone ever think that all of these choices might hinder us? I mean, sure, it's great for people who can easily make those decisions as to what they were meant to do or what they were meant to be...but what about that majority of us that weren't born with A. our parents shoving a dream down our throat so far that we adopt it as our own or B. just knowing what they were meant to be?

So, instead, we just sit here, bouncing from thing to thing, trying to figure out our path in life...slowly but surely. And I guess the actual secret is to map it out in a way where we do not feel like we are losing out while we are trying these other things because when you don't know what you want to do, you are constantly looking at what he or she is doing and then trying trying it on for size...does this fit? Does that fit? But, unfortunately, our culture and our workforce is not built in a way as to accommodate those looking to try something new and different...It is this increasing division of labor to try to increase efficiency that stunts our natural desire or DIVERSITY...or maybe, we don't like the of the work we really do...

Now, as I think a little more about this... we are lucky to have these experiences...there is no right or wrong way to do things. I mean, we are expected to want and do things by a certain deadline...and while deadlines can be useful...everyone has their own timeline. Each person falls in a different place on the spectrum of development, personally and professionally...

So, I guess the key, if there is one, is to just dance to your own rhythm (even if you look silly to others who think they have it all figured out but will realize they don't when they have their mid-life crisis), enjoy the ride and be concerned about the future, but don't let it ruin your present.

Metrosexual or Metrospicable

So, these metrosexual guys were supposed to be the "new and improved" version of men. It was almost as good as chivalry coming back in style. Or so we thought...

Now, I am really questioning whether these new cleanly shaven and hair putty (or whatever the new product this week is) maven man is really so great. Sure, it's nice to see guys taking stock in their appearance past the newest basketball jersey that they think is just so smitten. But, since the "metro revolution" started, things have gotten out of hand.

It was a very slow transition, but steadily picked up speed. Men started reading magazines like GQ and noticing that their women were more interested in the CK billboard than looking at them. Add to that, the way women flock to gay men, which are notoriously good dressers and disturbingly hotter than most hetero-men. Men started to take stock of their wardrobes and succumbing to the pressure of looking good; not just good by their standards but by everyone else's: Hollywood, the magazines, and even the girl next door.

This is not an uncommon phenomenon, as with most trends. However, like most trends that stick around for too long...this one has become very unsightly on some of those who sport extreme versions of it.

I am sure you are wondering what could be so extreme about a cleanly-shaven, well-dressed man in a pair of jeans so tight I would like them on me if I gained 10 lbs.

If it stopped there, then it would be just fine but it doesn't. Some men have begun internalizing their new image as their persona. These men are becoming more shallow than a kiddie-pool at bad motel. It is as though they think a great set of veneers, some highlights and hair putty will be the secret to making women forget how they should be treated...and the sad part is that some women truly do. Some people don't see past the great appearance to the man isn't treating you right and that you are allowing it. It is the same way men are mezmorized by the 5'10'' blond model that happens to come up to him and buy him a drink. He is thinking, "how did I get so lucky?"

It is as if these men found a way to lie to your face and then smile and you forget about it or just don't care. When did men get the power? Not that I think anyone should truly have it, but this is further from chivalry than we have ever been. This is another way that a man can manipulate a woman and get away with it. Not that anyone should manipulate anyone.

Are men turning into women? Isn't it enough that we having the babies and working. Do you want to take our clothing budget away from us too? I mean what's next? Should I get you a little lacy thing for Valentines day. Am I going to have to search the den to find all of my good-smelling candles because you enjoy the ambiance?

I like the masculine side of men: Rugged, individual, and powerful. I don't want the adjectives I use to describe you most to be: rigid, stubborn, and bitchy. Not that those are feminine qualities...well, at least not good ones. But, if those are becoming male ones than I would like to get all the emotional benefits of the other side of that coin: nurturing, sweet and sensitive. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Cosmopolitan men can be great, but those who take it too far are not metrosexual. They are confused maniacs who are using their male prowess for evil. And unfortunately for some, they are getting away with it.

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

So, you know when you meet someone and you get the most unique feeling; the feeling that is so hard to articulate. I will try though.

It's a feeling of hope, prospects...like the impossible seems a little more possible...like you are that much less alone and that much more alive. An enhanced sense of spirit along with a renewed zest for life.

Then, all the sudden, it's ripped away. Just like that, it falls to the floor, like a thinly blown glass vase falling 10 feet and shattering within mere seconds. What are you left with? I suppose two things. One is a sense of loss; the second is something so valuable... The sense that something can make you feel so invigorated and the knowledge of what about that experience did it, which leads to a deeper understanding of oneself, desires...and ultimate happiness quotient. It is so tempting to take that one beautiful thing that stands out to us and try to make it everything we ever wanted when it might not be.

I think the lesson is seeing what it is we personified it to be and why we did it. Once I figure that out, I can better know what I really want. It's a process that can be hard for those of us who have such little patience in that area. But, I am starting to not just know but rather feel that this journey is one that needs to be taken with one foot in front of the other and slowly, with care. We will live through it...some lessons will be painful, but it takes living through them to get to the fullness that is waiting at the other side for us, hopefully. Skipping steps will only inhibit us.

So, as for my pattern, I'm recognizing it and trying to do something about it. Baby steps, but I am really just trying to go day by day and I have learned to not read too much into it, follow my gut and not just my body, though I need to listen to that too. And most of all...follow my heart, allow it to be free...allow it to break and allow it to heal. Open up...give of myself and hope that the someone I choose will do that for me the way I can do it for them...but to not let the fear that they won't stop me from doing so, because I cannot control their actions, only mine...and I know that I am doing it for the right reasons. It is certain experiences that make us appreciate the stable things in life and so cherish all the stops we make along the way to making us who we are, who we will become and who will become our family in the future.

Girlfriends vs. Single People...Round One

I have been one before...a girlfriend. But, now, as I stand on the other side of the ring, as a single girl things are looking a lot different. It reminds me of an episode of Sex & the City entitled, "The Shoot Single People, Don't They?" Well, maybe some girls want to...but they shouldn't.

I love being single right now; I feel so liberated. After a string of bad relationships and numerous "life" lessons, I have proven to myself I can do things on my own and that I don't need a man, especially the wrong man, to validate my existence. I am ready for a relationship, but I am holding out for the right guy and not holding onto any guy that is wrong for me. All these years have brought me to this point, I am finally prepared to meet the "right guy" and be that "right girl". However, until we find each other...I remain single.

My ex, of four years, and I have finally reached a good point in our relationship: friendship. It only took almost two years to happen but we are finally there and it feels great. I have no romantic feelings for him and he no longer has the ability to make me want to jump off a cliff when we get into a fight. All is right in the world. But, there is now one thing in the way of this new found friendship...his new girlfriend.

I am not just saying this to be politically correct, but I am elated that he found someone he is interested in and who is giving him a steady stream of ... on a regular basis, which clears him from hitting on me (well, at least not as often). I am by no means jealous of this girl. Conversely, this girl hates me; however, she has never met me. So, I ask my ex, "what could you have possibly told her about me to make her hate me so much?" He responds, "I never said a bad word about you to her, she is just very insecure and she knows I will never be in love with her. She sees this for what is it: fun."

To her, I am the ex. I am the girl he was in love with, but if she would even take the time to get to know me, she would know how I would never touch him again.
It is just very frustrating to know there is a girl out there who hates my guts without even knowing me. I am the best possible scenario for an ex that you could think of. Unfortunately, this leaves my ex and I feeling like the equivalent of secret friends...which is ludicrous.

So, moral of the story is this girl who doesn't know me has created this fictional caricature of me in her head as a whore who wants my ex back and would disrobe at any chance I could possibly get alone with him. How far from the truth that is, she will never know because she truly doesn't want to and wouldn't believe it. It is sad how someone's insecurities can lead them to be their own worst enemy. She is putting herself through angst without cause. And, even though she is making it difficult for my ex and I to have a friendship, our relationship will persevere through this; whereas she will not be around forever. It's just sad to see that she is her own worst enemy, but I guess we all can be that to ourselves from time to time.. I really try not to...and i will look back on her behavior as just another reinforcement of what not to do when and if I am ever in her position. If you cannot trust what you have, look inside, not outside...because chances are, your internal compass is saying something that you should listen to...maybe it's not calibrated right or the relationship you are in isn't your due North.

We all want what we shouldn't...or do we?

I consider myself to be a pretty logical & level-headed person, except when it comes to matters of the heart...all of my sensibilities go out the door... But should they? Is it healthy that love is blind and if we can see through the haze of our emotions, is it really love?

I was reminded tonight by someone that there is this game that men play with women to peak their interest. In other words, it is possible for a man who would have never gotten a second glance to parlay himself into a woman's apartment by the end of the night by "playing his cards right"/aka. ignoring her. The thought behind this is that the woman then becomes intrigued as to why this guy, who seems so unassuming, is not fawning over her like the others are...and then he hooks her. In reality, this guy is probably the worst of them all because he is being deceitful, but the real wonder is why this tactic works? And why women fall for it every time.

As I thought about this "game", I examined my own life and relationships. I realized, it's true, that can work... I too have fallen for this. However, in the long run, it will not necessarily sustain a healthy relationship...but hey, it could lead to one. Unless of course the only reason the woman was attracted to him is because of the challenge and there is no other basis for a relationship.

The funny thing is that some guys have it and some guys don't...some guys can make your pants slide off like butter while others couldn't pry them off you with a wretch (and there is those in between types, which most men are). But, focusing on the guys that we fall for all the time...here are some of the tell-tale things they do...

• Call us beautiful - I don't care how often we hear it, it always feels like the first time...and it always makes us feel special (as long as you mean it - and we can tell).
• That special way you touch us and you guys know what it is. It has pzazz for lack of a better word...it's soft but not too soft, in just the right places...guys that have it, they know it.
• The look - It's a look they give us, maybe it's looking directly in our eyes without looking away or maybe just this air of something that disarms us. We know it when we see it.

So, should we air on the side of caution and go with the good boys or should we follow our emotions into the throes of these men who can not only disarm us but many other women?

I don't think we have much of a choice...because a life without passion, is not a life worth living...

Just keep your wits about yourself...there's a reason all the girls want them :)

ADD or Bordem

Hmmmm, So lately I cannot seem to concentrate on much of anything at times...

I have to have 3 or more things going on at one time...and that's the key word...ONE TIME. So, as you can imagine, there really is no way to really focus on more than one thing at a time so many things have suffered.

I have never been "ADD" -- and I highly doubt that I have suddenly come down with this "what could be construed as fictitious" ailment. However, I do think that my head has been running a mile a minute. I tend to start doing something but don't really want to "commit" to that one thing. Like right now, I sort of want to check my facebook or something, anything but finish what it is that I'm doing...what is that about? It's very unlike me or is it?

I think we get so many messages, notifications, texts, advertisements, interruptions of all sorts that we think we are missing something when we are not "multitasking". But the whole concept of multitasking is a misnomer anyway. We can only do one thing at one time and marketers have packaged these devices that interrupt us as something that we want to pay more and more money for and put a pretty name on it...hence the blackberry. I mean I don't think marketers would really sell many products by calling them "interruption devices"...but that is what they really are. We have to stop what we are doing to check the message and we have been conditioned to like this because it is packaged with a pretty ringtone or our favorite song. So, we forget, it's an interruption.

For me, I think it is a combination of that conditioned need for constant stimulus/interruption and I have learned to enjoy the distraction. So, I am ready to yank the distractions from my peripheral vision and focus on the tasks in front of me. I mean, what email cannot wait? If it is really important, they will send a text right?