Friday, July 31, 2009

Metrosexual or Metrospicable



So, these metrosexual guys were supposed to be the "new and improved" version of men. It was almost as good as chivalry coming back in style. Or so we thought...

Now, I am really questioning whether these new cleanly shaven and hair putty (or whatever the new product this week is) maven man is really so great. Sure, it's nice to see guys taking stock in their appearance past the newest basketball jersey that they think is just so smitten. But, since the "metro revolution" started, things have gotten out of hand.

It was a very slow transition, but steadily picked up speed. Men started reading magazines like GQ and noticing that their women were more interested in the CK billboard than looking at them. Add to that, the way women flock to gay men, which are notoriously good dressers and disturbingly hotter than most hetero-men. Men started to take stock of their wardrobes and succumbing to the pressure of looking good; not just good by their standards but by everyone else's: Hollywood, the magazines, and even the girl next door.

This is not an uncommon phenomenon, as with most trends. However, like most trends that stick around for too long...this one has become very unsightly on some of those who sport extreme versions of it.

I am sure you are wondering what could be so extreme about a cleanly-shaven, well-dressed man in a pair of jeans so tight I would like them on me if I gained 10 lbs.

If it stopped there, then it would be just fine but it doesn't. Some men have begun internalizing their new image as their persona. These men are becoming more shallow than a kiddie-pool at bad motel. It is as though they think a great set of veneers, some highlights and hair putty will be the secret to making women forget how they should be treated...and the sad part is that some women truly do. Some people don't see past the great appearance to the man isn't treating you right and that you are allowing it. It is the same way men are mezmorized by the 5'10'' blond model that happens to come up to him and buy him a drink. He is thinking, "how did I get so lucky?"

It is as if these men found a way to lie to your face and then smile and you forget about it or just don't care. When did men get the power? Not that I think anyone should truly have it, but this is further from chivalry than we have ever been. This is another way that a man can manipulate a woman and get away with it. Not that anyone should manipulate anyone.

Are men turning into women? Isn't it enough that we having the babies and working. Do you want to take our clothing budget away from us too? I mean what's next? Should I get you a little lacy thing for Valentines day. Am I going to have to search the den to find all of my good-smelling candles because you enjoy the ambiance?

I like the masculine side of men: Rugged, individual, and powerful. I don't want the adjectives I use to describe you most to be: rigid, stubborn, and bitchy. Not that those are feminine qualities...well, at least not good ones. But, if those are becoming male ones than I would like to get all the emotional benefits of the other side of that coin: nurturing, sweet and sensitive. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Cosmopolitan men can be great, but those who take it too far are not metrosexual. They are confused maniacs who are using their male prowess for evil. And unfortunately for some, they are getting away with it.

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star



So, you know when you meet someone and you get the most unique feeling; the feeling that is so hard to articulate. I will try though.

It's a feeling of hope, prospects...like the impossible seems a little more possible...like you are that much less alone and that much more alive. An enhanced sense of spirit along with a renewed zest for life.

Then, all the sudden, it's ripped away. Just like that, it falls to the floor, like a thinly blown glass vase falling 10 feet and shattering within mere seconds. What are you left with? I suppose two things. One is a sense of loss; the second is something so valuable... The sense that something can make you feel so invigorated and the knowledge of what about that experience did it, which leads to a deeper understanding of oneself, desires...and ultimate happiness quotient. It is so tempting to take that one beautiful thing that stands out to us and try to make it everything we ever wanted when it might not be.

I think the lesson is seeing what it is we personified it to be and why we did it. Once I figure that out, I can better know what I really want. It's a process that can be hard for those of us who have such little patience in that area. But, I am starting to not just know but rather feel that this journey is one that needs to be taken with one foot in front of the other and slowly, with care. We will live through it...some lessons will be painful, but it takes living through them to get to the fullness that is waiting at the other side for us, hopefully. Skipping steps will only inhibit us.

So, as for my pattern, I'm recognizing it and trying to do something about it. Baby steps, but I am really just trying to go day by day and I have learned to not read too much into it, follow my gut and not just my body, though I need to listen to that too. And most of all...follow my heart, allow it to be free...allow it to break and allow it to heal. Open up...give of myself and hope that the someone I choose will do that for me the way I can do it for them...but to not let the fear that they won't stop me from doing so, because I cannot control their actions, only mine...and I know that I am doing it for the right reasons. It is certain experiences that make us appreciate the stable things in life and so cherish all the stops we make along the way to making us who we are, who we will become and who will become our family in the future.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Girlfriends vs. Single People...Round One


I have been one before...a girlfriend. But, now, as I stand on the other side of the ring, as a single girl things are looking a lot different. It reminds me of an episode of Sex & the City entitled, "The Shoot Single People, Don't They?" Well, maybe some girls want to...but they shouldn't.

I love being single right now; I feel so liberated. After a string of bad relationships and numerous "life" lessons, I have proven to myself I can do things on my own and that I don't need a man, especially the wrong man, to validate my existence. I am ready for a relationship, but I am holding out for the right guy and not holding onto any guy that is wrong for me. All these years have brought me to this point, I am finally prepared to meet the "right guy" and be that "right girl". However, until we find each other...I remain single.

My ex, of four years, and I have finally reached a good point in our relationship: friendship. It only took almost two years to happen but we are finally there and it feels great. I have no romantic feelings for him and he no longer has the ability to make me want to jump off a cliff when we get into a fight. All is right in the world. But, there is now one thing in the way of this new found friendship...his new girlfriend.

I am not just saying this to be politically correct, but I am elated that he found someone he is interested in and who is giving him a steady stream of ... on a regular basis, which clears him from hitting on me (well, at least not as often). I am by no means jealous of this girl. Conversely, this girl hates me; however, she has never met me. So, I ask my ex, "what could you have possibly told her about me to make her hate me so much?" He responds, "I never said a bad word about you to her, she is just very insecure and she knows I will never be in love with her. She sees this for what is it: fun."

To her, I am the ex. I am the girl he was in love with, but if she would even take the time to get to know me, she would know how I would never touch him again.
It is just very frustrating to know there is a girl out there who hates my guts without even knowing me. I am the best possible scenario for an ex that you could think of. Unfortunately, this leaves my ex and I feeling like the equivalent of secret friends...which is ludicrous.

So, moral of the story is this girl who doesn't know me has created this fictional caricature of me in her head as a whore who wants my ex back and would disrobe at any chance I could possibly get alone with him. How far from the truth that is, she will never know because she truly doesn't want to and wouldn't believe it. It is sad how someone's insecurities can lead them to be their own worst enemy. She is putting herself through angst without cause. And, even though she is making it difficult for my ex and I to have a friendship, our relationship will persevere through this; whereas she will not be around forever. It's just sad to see that she is her own worst enemy, but I guess we all can be that to ourselves from time to time.. I really try not to...and i will look back on her behavior as just another reinforcement of what not to do when and if I am ever in her position. If you cannot trust what you have, look inside, not outside...because chances are, your internal compass is saying something that you should listen to...maybe it's not calibrated right or the relationship you are in isn't your due North.